UV Book Group: God on Mute - 01/03/2011

NEXT MEETING:

Thursday 14th April at 7.30pm

VENUE:

To be advised

BOOK & AUTHOR:

God on Mute by Pete Greig

Questions and Discussion Summary will be posted on Mel's Muse a few days after the meeting (and listed under Book Reviews) and Mel's Online Book Club - which has an open membership - are invited to comment.  Whether or not you've read the book, do let us hear your viewpoint.

ONLINE BOOK CLUB: Born On A Blue Day by Daniel Tammet - 24/01/2011

My real-time Book Club will be meeting on 17th February, 2011, to discuss the book, Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet.  It's an amazing autobiography, written by a young man who is both autistic and has Asperges.  If you haven't read the book yet, I would urge you to do so, so that you can take part in the discussion that will follow.  It's a gripping read!  Once started you won't be able to put it down.

Book & Author

Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet

Date of meeting

Thursday 17th February, 2011

Interview with Christian Bookshops Blog - 01/08/2010

Only a months late with this diary event! A month ago today, I had the privilege of writing an article for Phil Groom who, in addition to managing the bookshop at London School of Theology, also runs the excellent Christian Bookshops Blog.

I'd been asked to write about "Who I Am, and What I Do?" and I rapidly realised that the two are inseparable. Writing runs in my veins and is the air in my lungs; therefore, as a book author I write and am nourished.

Tracing the history of those two strands in my life highlighted, for me, the privilege of being able to be content and thankful in all circumstances. The adversity I have experienced has been the subject and emotion of much of my writing. Rather than allow divorce, debt, daughter's drug addiction and death bow me down, I have found them to be a springboard for my published work.

Review of The Torn Veil by Gulshen Esther For July Book Club Meeting - 29/07/2010

I was asked if I would take this book on for Readers’ Group, and I have to say that, although I agreed, I wasn’t wildly enthusiastic. How wrong can you be! It was what someone once dubbed one of my earliest books: a one-bath-book. You don’t notice that the water’s getting cold because you can’t stop reading ‘til you get to the end!

This was certainly a compelling read. And – amazingly – despite the author’s experience of miracles that don’t chime with the world as you and I know it, I found all unbelief (or should that be disbelief?) was suspended. If we, in the West, knew a tenth of the faith, love and trust that this young Muslim woman knew on her conversion to Christianity, we would be rich indeed.

This Book Review, written by Mel Menzies, will be posted with others and may be accessed here Book Reviews, Questions & Discussion Summaries For Book Clubs. An article giving the Book Club Questions and Discussion Summary will follow in a few days. As always, these may be used as a resource for other Readers' Groups.

UV Readers' Group & Online Book Club July 2010 - 05/07/2010

NEXT MEETING:

Thursday 29th July, 2010
At 7.30pm

BOOK:

The Torn Veil
By Gulshan Esther

VENUE:

At my house.

Guest Blog For UK Christian Bookshops - 05/07/2010

An invitation to write a guest blog for the UK Christian Bookshop website is not to be sneezed at! So I was delighted when Phil Groom asked me to do just that.

AUTHOR & SPEAKER

Just say who you are and what you do, he suggested. It got me thinking! Can who I am be separated from what I do? You be the judge. Meeting Mel was the title Phil gave the article, in which I've shared my journey from aspiring author to published writer; the books I've written, and my aims and passions in writing.

Wise Writing Words - 04/07/2010

ADVICE FOR ASPIRING AUTHORS

Asked what advice I would give aspiring authors in an interview I was recently asked to do, I parodied Winston Churchill's famous Fight Them On The Beaches speech. Writing, in other words, requires hard labour and endurance!

I also shared how I nearly turned down a commission from a major publisher for a book which became a No. 4 Bestseller.

You can read about it here: Wise Writing Words - Mel Menzies

Writers' Interview - 04/07/2010

As the published author of a number of books, I'm often targeted with mail wanting me to subscribe to all sorts of things. Most of them end up in my Spam box or Recycling Bin.

But a couple of weeks ago I received an e-mail asking me if I was willing to be interviewed for the Writers' Remorse blog. Naturally, with a name like that, my curiosity took over and I just had to take a look.

I was sent a questionaire covering topics such as what I write; whether writing is my main source of income; my biggest day-to-day challenge; and how I started writing.

Result, this Writers' Interview with Mel Menzies . . .

Open To Hope Radio Show: Thursday 10th June, 2010 - 09/06/2010

I shall be speaking to Gloria and Heidi Horsley on the Open To Hope radio show tomorrow about the merit of creative writing when dealing with grief and loss. If you've suffered a bereavement, or know someone who has, don't miss the show.

UV READERS' GROUP - Next Meeting 6th May 2010 - 06/05/2010

UV Readers' Group meet at 7.30 p.m. on 6th May (after polling) to discuss Jodi Picoult's Plain Truth - story of an unmarried Amish girl who gives birth secretly to a baby who then dies. Lots of issues raised as she is put on trial.

ONLINE BOOK CLUB will follow, with questions and discussion from UV group. So if you've read the book and would like to comment, I'd love to hear from you.

Internet Radio Show Voice America - 3rd May 2010 - 22/04/2010

BREAKING NEWS:

As the author of the novel A Painful Post Mortem, I will be speaking to Dr Gloria Horsley about my personal experiences of grief and loss. Looking at the way in which divorce, my daughter's teenage drug abuse, and bereavement have all taken their toll, I'll be demonstrating how victory in adversity may be achieved.

Originally scheduled for 18th March, my slot on the Internet Radio Show VoiceAmerica on the topic of grief and loss has now been rescheduled for 3rd May, 10.45 a.m. California time; 6.45 p.m. UK time.

Photograph: Mel Menzies on BBC Radio Scotland

UV READERS' GROUP & ONLINE BOOK CLUB QUESTIONS: The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen - 04/03/2010

MEETING: 4th March, 2010

Without exception, members of my real-time Readers’ Group found this an AMAZING book, and couldn’t believe how much they got out of it.

You can find all the questions for this book here.

To read their Discussion on these Questions, go to:

Return Of The Prodigal Son – Rembrandt Painting Inspires Author Henri Nouwen: ONLINE BOOK CLUB DISCUSSION

UV READERS' GROUP - Next Meeting 4th March 2010 - 09/02/2010

VENUE

Please note that we are no longer meeting at The Grand because of the cost of the room. Please ring me for details of our current venue.

TIME

Please note, also, that a typo occurred in the last bulletin. We have not met at 7pm for some time - we now meet at 7.30pm

BOOK

Return of the Prodigal by Henri Nouwen. Inspired by Rembrandt's painting, the author describes his own inner journey, and urges readers to do likewise. Copies will be available next week in The Link, or direct from me.

NEW ONLINE BOOK CLUB: BEGINS THURSDAY 21st JANUARY 2010. - 13/01/2010

NEW ONLINE BOOK CLUB:

BEGINS THURSDAY 21st JANUARY 2010.

The book we're studying is The Reluctant Fundamentalist (international bestseller, shortlisted for the Booker Prize 2007) by Mohsin Hamid

Thursday 14th January, 2010, I shall be posting a Precis and Discussion Questions on Mel’s Muse, details here tomorrow.

NEW ONLINE BOOKCLUB:

• Read the book
• look at the discussion questions
• leave your comments
• debate with other readers' comments.

HOPE YOU’LL JOIN US!

Mel on BBC Radio 5 Live: The Matthew Bannister Show - 05/01/2010

6th January, 2010
At Midnight

Mel on BBC Radio 5 Live: The Matthew Bannister Show

Debate: Are Christians made to feel awkward, or diffident, about openly declaring aspects of their faith.

The conclusions of this discussion will appear as an event within a day or two of the show.

UV Book Club Meeting January 2010 - 06/12/2009

DETAILS OF MEETING JANUARY 2010

• Date: 21st January
• Time: 7.30pm
• Venue: To Be Advised - See Notices
• Book: The Reluctant Fundamentalist
• Author: Mohsin Hamid

NB: We will no longer be meeting at The Grand because of the cost of hiring rooms.

Chocolat by Joanne Harris: UV Book Club Book Review, Questions & Discussion Summary - 02/12/2009

BOOK CLUB QUESTIONS

26^th November, 2009

BOOK: CHOCOLAT BY JOANNE HARRIS

Themes: Bigotry, self-righteousness, exclusivity, conformity, authoritarianism, deference and submission, self-denial, ageism and class-ism versus: generosity, open-heartedness, acceptance and inclusiveness across class and age.

OUTLINE OF CHOCOLAT

A single parent, Vianne, arrives in a small French village at the beginning of Lent with her young daughter, Anouk, and sets up a chocolate shop. Naturally, the local priest, Reynaud, is incensed: this is a temptation too far – for his parishioners. When a group of gypsies also arrives in the village and Vianne befriends them against the priest’s express wishes, the conflict increases, dramatically.

QUESTIONS

1. Vianne uses one thing, chocolate, to change a community. What else does she use? How does this challenge you to think about what you could offer in your community?
2. There is one point in the film when Anouk runs home from playing upset because the children are taunting her about her mother's red shoes: '...are you satan's helper?', she cries, 'well, it's not easy being different..' Vianne replies....'why can't you wear black shoes like the other mothers?' Anouk responds. What do you have that marks you out and distinguishes you from other people?
3. What does Vianne do for the role of the single mother?
4. In what ways is Vianne spiritual and in what ways worldly?
5. What role does the wind play in the story?
6. What is the mayor's main issue in his life?
7. How does Vianne see lives change?
8. The battered wife, Josephine, and Vianne have a conversation one day, after Josephine starts talking about her husband. 'Things could be different for you, Josephine. Serge doesn't run the world.' 'He might as well!' 'Is that what you believe?' 'I know it.' 'Then it must be. Must be true. My mistake.' How significant is what we believe in the choices we make in life?
9. What really happens, do you think, when the jar of Vianne's mother's ashes is smashed on the steps?
10. What blessing comes in Vianne's life when the generational curse is broken? What actually is the curse?

DISCUSSION SUMMARY

1. Acceptance versus Authoritarianism: Vianne's generosity of spirit and open-heartedness is in stark contrast to the mean-spirit and judgemental attitude of the Catholic priest, Reynaud. Although one might say, cynically, that the French woman’s largesse – in giving away chocolate samples left, right and centre – is simply a commercial ploy, a loss-leader, there is no doubting the warmth of her character and the genuine interest she shows in the other villagers.

The priest’s self-righteousness is, obviously, to be condemned, whilst Vianne’s liberal attitudes and acceptance of others is something which, as Christians we should be cultivating. One member of the group spoke of her workplace, and the affirmation she feels she should give to younger women colleagues. “Going home to your other job, now?” she asks at the end of a shift, making a point of validating the importance of home-making and child-rearing.

2. Conformity versus Individualism: Vianne's red shoes are, in the eyes of the priest, the epitome of her loose morals and the seductive temptations she practises with her chocolate. Preaching against both at his Sunday Mass, he urges villagers to boycott her shop. In truth, however, it is her non-conformity and lack of submission to his authority which grates with him.

Whilst admitting that twenty years ago, and more, apparel and conformity were imperatives in church – suits and ties for men; skirts and hats for women - we felt, as a group, that this was less of an issue nowadays. A casual dress code is adopted by most members of the church we attend, in recognition that God accepts us as we are. However, for those members who enjoyed ‘dressing up’ or who felt that to do so was a mark of respect for the Lord (in the same way that a visit to Buckingham Palace would demand a token of esteem for the Queen) there was mutual respect. Very short skirts and bare midriffs in the young were, however, seen as lacking in taste.

3. Single Parenting:The group felt that, generally speaking, single parenting tends to be perceived by most people as deficient in comparison to two parent families. There's no doubt that Vianne does a good job in promoting the role of a single mother as not only achievable, in terms of her parenting skills, but also in respect of her business acumen. In other words, being single, a good parent, and a working mother are not mutually exclusive.

4. Spirituality: Aspects of the formal 'spirituality' shown by Vianne in the book (though they appear to be less of an issue in the film) are somewhat suspect from a Christian perspective. Some book club members talked about 'forking': the action which Vianne makes with her fingers out of sight, under the counter, in respect of people she dislikes.

It is, according to one member of the group who has come across it whilst on duty as an Street Pastor, a gesture with thumb and little finger, and is a form of bringing down a curse on another. That same member pointed to a sense of the book’s author, Joanne Harris, having thrown everything into the mix in order to make Chocolat, her first novel, more marketable.

Nevertheless, there is no doubt that despite the links with witchcraft through her mother, Vianne certainly displays, in her lifestyle, the love and acceptance which Christians are expected to show towards those who are old, downtrodden, lonely and bullied within their communities and families, and to the river gypsies, the outcasts of society.

5. Acceptance of Change: It is clear, at the outset of the book, that Vianne, together with her mother and daughter, have been 'on the move' throughout their lives, and that the wind is the wind of change that moves them on. It is the wind which blows Vianne and Anouk into the village, and the wind that heralds other changes – either benign or malevolent.

From a literary point of view, the wind might be seen as a motif – a pattern which winds its way through the narrative and helps to shape and inform its themes.

6. Temptation & Transference: The questions for the study of Chocolat by the book group, were compiled by someone who had seen the film rather than read the book. In the book the antagonist is the priest, whilst it is the mayor in the film. The group, as a whole, felt that this considerably detracted from the theme, which was to do with real goodness and righteousness versus the sham of religiosity.

The zealously fasting priest (mayor in the film) is self-righteously determined to bring his flock (community) into line beneath his authority. However, as he feels the influences of temptation in his own life (for food, chocolate in particular, and for Vianne’s womanly charms) he increasingly practises denial, transference and projection, blaming others for his own, unperceived, faults and bigotry.

This is a manifestation of the heart being ‘deceitful above all things’ and is something we are all capable of succumbing to at times.

7. Kindness: Vianne's many kindnesses help a number of people in the village to come to terms with loss, and issues of loneliness, persecution, and old age. For instance, there’s the old man who invests all his affection in his dog which is fatally ill with cancer and eventually dies; and the old woman whose daughter, the mayor’s wife, is fanatical about her mother’s diabetes and wants to put her away in a home, rather than allow her some small pleasures in life.

As a group, we considered the question of whether we ever stop to wonder about the impact we may have on the lives of others? Even a half-hearted kindness may be hugely influential in the life of the recipient. Various personal examples were cited in this respect.

8. Perception is Truth: Josephine, the woman whose husband beats and abuses her, believes that there is no way out: no escape. Until Vianne shows her otherwise! Perception is truth - so says the idiom. And it's true. What we believe shapes and dictates our behaviour. It is crucial in our lives. We need, therefore, to ensure that what we claim to believe is what we actually do believe; and that what we believe is worth believing in.

9. Freedom: Vianne is about to move on again when the urn in which her mother's ashes reside falls from a hastily packed suitcase, falls down the steps, and smashes to pieces - blowing in the wind. Symbolically, and perhaps psychologically, she is thus freed from her mother's influence and, therefore, her inability to settle down and deal with the here and now. We need to be aware of the traditions, superstitions, obsessions and affections which tie us to a transient past and prevent us from facing up to the present and the future.

10. Conclusion: The ending of the book and film differ considerably, so it was difficult to draw a conclusion. In the film a happy ending is achieved in that Vianne settles down; in the book she is pregnant and about to repeat the experience of being an unmarried mother.

Whilst it’s good to study books in different genres and from diverse authors, there is, perhaps, a lesson to be learned here. As happened when the group studied Jodi Picoult’s My Sister’s Keeper, the film version is often very different to the original book. That, in itself, may throw up issues of interest and contrast – as occurred with Chocolat. But it is something that we should keep in mind when selecting books, and when compiling questions. All in all, however, this is a book I think we all enjoyed reading.

This book review, the questions, and book club discussion summary above may be used, freely, by other readers' groups, on your website or blog, or in printed format. Please include the following by-line:

© Mel Menzies 2009, Author and Speaker - www.melmenzies.co.uk
Used by permission

Mel Menzies On BBC Radio WM: Should Cannabis Be Downgraded Per David Nutt's Advice? - 06/11/2009

The resignation of David Nutt, the UK government's drugs adviser, sparked controversy over the classification and downgrading of cannabis. Mel Menzies comments on BBC Radio WM on Sunday 8th November at 08.50, in the light of her daughter's teenage drug abuse, and ultimate death.

Read the story here: Addicts Like Kate Walsh Show That The Grey Areas Of British Law Need A Black & White Reform.

And make sure to tune in at 08.50 on Sunday 8th November!

Can You Hear Me? by Brad Jersak - UV Book Group Questions & Summary - 17/10/2009

The Book Club met on Thursday 15th October, as usual, in the Library at The Grand. As I was nursing a hacking cough and swollen glands I had to cry off, so the group was admirably led by Pippa, who had reviewed the book, Can You Hear Me? and also compiled the following questions, below which is her summary of the discussion.

Book Group Questions:

1. “This book is written for disillusioned churchgoers and “prodigals” who are searching for more reality than western church culture generally offers.” (p11) Do you agree that the church can be out of touch with reality? In what ways?
2. “For me, prayer amounted to leaving phone messages on God’s answering machine. Faith was akin to hoping that God would eventually check his messages”. (p18) What is wrong with this?
3. “God’s radio station is always on. He’s broadcasting loud and clear, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The trouble is, we are not dialling it in. Our radios aren’t working.”(p20) Brad says that listening prayer is about tuning in to God, like tuning in to a radio station. How is this a helpful metaphor?
4. “Most believers can relate a “God-incidence” such as a well-timed knock on the door, phone-call or song on the radio.” (p43) Can you give a recent example in your life?
5. “Historically, Christians have distinguished the voice of God from three other voice types – the world, the flesh and the devil…I would add a 4^th category called “the voices of mental illness”. (p68-9). How do you respond to this?
6. Do you have a special place for meeting with God? (p129-130).
7. Burden bearers “can learn to unload on the Lord, rather than internalising the pain of others.” (p151)– what’s your experience?
8. What stops us encountering God in listening prayer? (p163-171)

At home: Friendship questions for God

Before you start, ask for God’s peace in your heart and mind
What’s grieving/exciting you these days?
Why?What do you like about me?
Why?What do you see when you look at me?

Discussion Summary:

The church is not actually out of touch with reality, but it is perceived to be so by those who do not attend. The group noted that many people today have no church background at all and don’t even go to church at Christmas, a huge change which has come about in one generation.

We carried the analogy (of speaking to God being like a one-sided telephone conversation) further and suggested that maybe when we pray we want to get the answerphone rather than have a conversation with God. If our friends treated us like this, we would be very hurt.

God truly wants to speak to us but often we are not listening.

Group members shared recent experiences of how God has encouraged them through things which were more than coincidences.

We agreed that there are many other voices trying to speak to us and it can be difficult to recognise them for what they really are. The negative voices of mental illness could certainly block God’s voice.

We all shared our special places for meeting God, and the way being there helps us to feel his nearness. For several of us, the special place was outdoors. Even if we can’t always physically be in our special place, we can go there in our hearts. The diversity of the group showed that God speaks to each person in a special way, through reading, pictures, music, creation etc.

Sometimes bearing other people’s burdens can be very draining and hard-going. We have more to learn about focusing on God at these times.

We recognised that many things can stop us listening to God – distractions, sin, fear, pain, shame etc. But he longs for us to listen so that he can be with us in every detail of our lives.

If you wish to use this book review, questions and discussion summary for your Book Club, feel free to do so, but please credit handouts to Mel Menzies, www.melmenzies.co.uk and linkback where appropriate.

If you have any questions about how to set up a Readers' Group, see my post Setting Up A Book Group: Twenty Tips.

BBC Radio Birmingham: Topic - Stepfamilies - 08/10/2009

BBC Radio Birmingham broadcast this morning - a phone in on stepfamilies. Ozzie Osborne kicked it off talking about how his kids from two marriages sometimes get on and sometimes don't. Read the interview here and join in the debate.

Book Review: Can You Hear Me - By Brad Jersak - 07/09/2009

BOOK REVIEW: CAN YOU HEAR ME BY BRAD JERSAK - This will be the next study book for UV Book Group on 15th October, 2009

Reading this book, which was written just a few years ago, was a refreshing reminder that God speaks to ordinary people like you and me every day. It’s about listening prayer, which means consciously tuning in to God’s wavelength, to hear his voice above the many others which can drown it out.

God can use our prayers in amazing ways and he loves to answer them. We should not be surprised to hear God speaking to us through others, including children. There are some great examples of this in the book, which I would say is both profound and practical.

Reviewed By PDP

My Sister's Keeper - Readers' Group Summary - 06/09/2009

MY SISTER'S KEEPER BY JODI PICOULT: SUMMARY OF THE READERS' GROUP DISCUSSION

One of the intriguing aspects of Jodi Picoult’s novel, My Sister’s Keeper is that the reader is invited to read the Prologue before starting the book, and then to re-read it on finishing. The purpose was to determine in whose Viewpoint the piece had been written. Without exception, those of the Readers’ Group who had done so found that their perceptions changed – just as the author suggested they might.

PLOT & MAIN CHARACTERS

So what, in essence, is the plot of the story and who is the central character? It might appear, on first reading, to be Anna’s story. She, after all, is one of the Viewpoint characters, and the story begins and ends with her bid for medical emancipation. Conceived as a designer baby, or sibling saviour, Anna has been created specifically to be a match for her sickly sister, Kate, in order that her birth might provide much needed stem-cell treatment for her older sister.

The reader might be forgiven, however, for believing the mother, Sara, to be the main character, since it is her driving force which compels Anna to undergo treatment after treatment – not for her own benefit, but for her sister’s. However, whilst understanding her motives, we all found it difficult to empathise with this character.

Or is it Kate, whose story – right through until the Epilogue – is told exclusively through the eyes of her family but whose plight, nevertheless, is on every page? There was no consensus in the group, and I leave it to you to decide.

THEMES

I had already listed: medical emancipation – the right to make decisions in respect of your own body; the wonders of medical science; the sanctity of life; and the Wisdom of Solomon as possible themes.

Some members of the group felt that a primary theme was what was meant by family. There was little unity shown between the members of Anna’s family, and the benefits of feeling sufficiently secure in one’s relationships to be open and honest were markedly absent.

Two people felt that this theme was reinforced by the diffidence, bordering on neurosis, of one of the minor characters, the lawyer, Campbell, whose fear of being pitied or rejected prevented his admitting to his own health problems. The result was that his relationship with Julia, the social worker, had ended abruptly years earlier, causing both considerable heartache. Forced to work together as Anna’s protectors and guides, they story had to be worked through.

Jesse’s storyline also reinforced this theme. As the eldest child of the family, he was left with a huge sense of helplessness when he found that he was not a match for his sister. The anger that this generated, coupled with frustration with his parents (whose absorption with the girls meant that they had little time for him) was directed outwards, but in secret.

The deliberate laying and igniting of fires in remote, abandoned buildings, gave him a sense of power, of being in control in a different way, in that his father, Brian, a fire-fighter, was then required to put them out.

Although there were parallels between Anna's situation and the Christian story of salvation in that God, the Father, sent Jesus, his only son, as a Saviour, we agreed that no true correlation could be made. Jesus willingly embraced his fate, whilst Anna had no such choice.

As a baby she would have no voice, and even when older, a position of refusal to help her sister would be untenable. How could you live with yourself and your family, the group argued, if you refused to co-operate in saving your sibling? Some members of the group believed, whilst reading the book, that once having established her rights over her own body, Anna would then use that right to continue to help her sister.

MOTIFS

This pattern of fire fighting was to be found throughout the book, and reinforced the futility of the medical intervention in Kate’s life. For that, in itself, was a form of fire fighting, as each new illness, frailty and condition was put out, another was ignited.

A second enduring motif was found in Brian’s interest in astronomy. Gazing at stars through a telescope seemed, in a way, to strengthen this feeling of futility. The remoteness of the celestial display emphasised the distance between himself and the dilemma into which his wife’s compulsion had dragged him. It was as if, in looking at the heavens, he was hoping to conjure up answers; solutions to the questions he appeared to be unable to handle in family life.

MORALS

Every member of the group agreed on Anna’s right to have control of her own body. However, when that human right was broadened to include the question of embryo selection (and, therefore, destruction); abortion; and euthanasia the whole issue became less clear.

What we did agree upon, as a group, was that this was a 21^st Century dilemma, since many of these procedures were not available until comparatively recently. Whilst the Victorian taboo centred upon sex, it seems that today’s is death. In this, the fiction appeared to mirror fact. Nowhere in the book was there any focus on anything but keeping the patient alive.

The discussion took a new direction: is life prolonged beyond what would once have been viable; beyond what is, even now, natural and beneficial? Whilst none of us would want to see medical intervention to end life prematurely, neither, we agreed, was it fair to keep human beings ‘alive’ on machines when all trace of ‘real life’ – the ability to reason, relate and communicate - was extinct.

And in this, too, the author delivered. For Kate’s feelings on the subject of her own quality of life – an issue which it appeared had never been considered by her family – is suddenly revealed in the denouement. Without wishing to give anything away, it is, I’m told, quite different an ending to that of the film. And in every way it fulfils the themes and threads of the book.

ON REFLECTION

All members felt that the novel was a compelling read, raising interesting and challenging topics. However, on reflection, many of us considered certain aspects to be contrived: Kate’s mother conveniently being a lawyer, for example. Nevertheless, this is a book well worth reading and one which I, personally, enjoyed far more than any other of Jodi Picoult ‘s novels.

If you wish to use these conclusions to help your Book Group, feel free to do so. And if you have any questions about setting up a Readers’ Group, read my post: Setting Up A Book Group: Twenty Tips

Readers' Group Questions - My Sister's Keeper - By Jodi Picoult 03/09/09 - 03/09/2009

Readers’ Group Questions – My Sister’s Keeper By Jodi Picoult

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. Summarise the plot: this is a story about two sisters . . . OR this is a story about two parents . . . OR . . .
2. Who, in your opinion, is the central character in the book? e.g. Sara, the mother; Kate, the dying daughter; Anna, the designer baby sibling?
3. What – in three or four words for each - do you think are the themes of the book i.e. the overall message(s): medical emancipation (the right to make decisions in respect of your own body); the wonders of medical science; the sanctity of life; the Wisdom of Solomon?
4. What is your opinion about the rights and wrongs of sibling saviours?
5. Did you feel there were any correlations with the Christian story of salvation? If so, how? If not, in what way does it differ?
6. For which character(s) did you feel most the most empathy? Why?
7. Fire – lighting and fighting, and stargazing, were the enduring motifs of the book. Why do you think that was?
8. How did the sub-plots – i.e. the storylines from the supporting cast – Brian, the dad; Jesse, the son; Campbell, the lawyer; and Julia, the Social Worker – support or contrast with the overall themes?
9. There were two twists at the end. Can you identify them?
10. Did they surprise you? Did they give you a sense of satisfaction / completion? Or were you disappointed? What do you think the author was trying to say here? Was she fulfilling her theme?

BBC Radio Newcastle - Interview for discussion on stepfamilies - 17/08/2009

Tomorrow, 18th August, 2009, at 8 a.m. BBC Radio Newcastle is broadcasting a discussion and phone-in on the topic of stepfamilies. The feeling is that successful stepfamilies are a rarity. So, as my book, Stepfamilies, depicts case studies of a number of happily blended families, and as I am a member of a happy stepfamily, the producer has asked me for an interview to put forward some tips.

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. Successful Step Parenting: Three Potential Pitfalls - No 1 Financial

What Is The Role Of Godparents: Are They Really Relevant Today? - 14/08/2009

The Richard Bacon Show on BBC 5 Live airs a debate between midnight and one in the morning. The topic, last night, was Godparents. I was asked to be one of the panellists, to explain the role, and to argue the case that Godparents were still relevant in this day and age.

THIS ARTICLE HAS NOW MOVED TO MEL'S MUSE

Readers' Group Meeting - My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult - 11/08/2009

Date of next meeting: Thursday 3rd September, 2009

Time: 7.30 p.m.

Venue: The Library, at The Grand

Book: My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

I look forward to seeing as many of you as can make it. Mel

Readers' Group Discussion Conclusions - Intelligent Church by Steve Chalke - 10/08/2009

I'm so sorry I'm late in getting the discussion report out. The group met on 9th July and was led by a friend, Anne, as I had to be in London for a meeting. Anne says: “We were a very small group last Thursday (but) in many ways (that) was good, and it was fruitful.” Here are the conclusions of the group, based on Anne’s notes.

LOOKING AT WHO GOD IS, AND WHAT MAKES A CHURCH A CHURCH

Words like Creator, All Powerful, and Triune were put forward to describe God, but the group decided that the title that best summed him up was: God is Love. When it came to the non-negotiables of church, we focused on the following points:

• First and foremost, the church must be Christ-centred
• It needs to be outward looking, to the community
• Preaching should nurture church members, who need to receive the Message and go out with it.
• We noted that there was always something for each of us, personally, in the sermon; that it was as if the Holy Spirit addressed us, individually.
• The conclusion reached was that each of these points were ‘personal’ not ‘institutional’.

Buildings, liturgy, dress, and customs, were not considered important, though feelings of guilt, exclusion or judgement were. The church attended by the Readers' Group has, as its stated aims: worship, witness, servant, disciple and community and this, it was felt, summed up what church should be.

LOOKING AT MORE INCLUSIVE WAYS OF REACHING THE COMMUNITY

Projects like Factory Row, which is for the homeless, were discussed, and the general feeling was that the church could/should be used more during the day, throughout the week in this area. Teaching the residents to use computers, for example, would equip them for a better life. But recreational activities, such as snooker, also have their place. (Mel's comment: who is to man these activities?)

The church buildings could also be used to provide a base for students run by the youth of the church.

The local youth might also benefit with, perhaps, a disco on Friday nights, in the hall, run by our youth. This would be a great work for our young people, and might keep other adolescents from frequenting the less desirable areas of the town.

Other avenues of service to the community included a Pet Service (dog walking?) and setting up clubs, such as a photographic club. The consensus was that anything that enabled Christians to mix naturally with un-churched people was of value.

The merits of discarding out-dated church buildings in favour of modern ones was discussed, as it was felt that this might be less intimidating to the un-churched. The debate then moved to Cafechurch, founded by Sid Latte, which takes over a coffee shop for a period (with the manager's consent) and brings church to the people with down-to-earth discussions about the realities of life, and the difference a faith can make.

The concept is taking off in some areas of Britain, but Sid admits that few of the people who come to Cafechurch would want to join a church like ours. It does, however, tap into the massive spiritual hunger in the community, and meets people where they are, using ‘table hosts’ to lead discussion. The group agreed that this could be a good way to get rid of some of the ‘clutter’ that surrounds traditional church.

Finally, we noted the massive outpouring of grief over Michael Jackson’s death and toyed with the idea of how a Michael Jackson memorial concert might fill the church!

LOOKING AT BETTER WAYS OF 'DOING' CHURCH

Before a church could be more inclusive of the local community, its members need to see how they might be more inclusive ‘in-house’. This was the feeling among members of the Readers’ Group, who pointed to the number of young people (in their 30s and 40s) who put up for the leadership team but failed, time and again, to get be elected?

Some thought that young parents need to be nurturing their families rather than putting up for leadership, and that time would be an issue. Others felt that a better method should be found for the congregation to get to know the candidates. The feeling that teenagers, and those in their twenties, should be more involved as bible readers during Sunday Services was unanimous, and some questioned why the Worship Leader was always a musician?

Although the group felt that using the church buildings 24/7 was somewhat Utopian at present, there was a strong feeling that, as a congregation, we may be too middle class, and that we need to become more ‘messy’. For instance, we admitted that visitors may, occasionally, be overlooked but agreed that we would all notice if the visitor were a tramp! Other issues raised were:

• ‘free prayer time’, which is outside the comfort zone of some people.
• we pray for the youth going to university but need a stronger role for those left behind eg a Friday disco.
• we thought about the use of 21^st Century language eg using The Message - either alone, or as well as NIV.

LOOKING AT CHANGING THE PERCEPTION OF CHRISTIANITY

The question of how we might change the perception of Christianity from a message of ‘do not’ to one of hope and love was discussed. It was agreed that the example of Mother Teresa, who was known for all the ‘right’ reasons, was a positive image. We felt that Christians need to be active in the world, and that this was the reason why Street Pastors was so good, and why so many Christians wanted to do it. Not only that, it is positively perceived by the very people it serves: the young who embrace the club, and heavy drinking, culture.

Other methods of engaging with our local town centre community were perceived to be personally, via committees, politics, and community work: eg litter picking. It was agreed that Christians need to be involved with all aspects of secular life for their faith to shine through.

When it came to thinking about the stumbling blocks preventing Christians inviting non-Christians to church, chief among the reasons given was that Sunday was perceived as a leisure / shopping / sports-playing day. Friday evening - before the busy weekend - was suggested as an alternative day for services. (Anne’s comment: Fridays would be somewhat busy at our church!) A need for honesty was raised, to enable Christians to be open about the doubt they sometimes feel.

LOOKING AT THE FAITHWORKS CHARTER

The final question of the evening centred on the Faithworks Charter outlined in the book. The unanimous decision was that it was Gobbledegook; that the Plain English Society would have a field day with it; and that it let down a book which, in every other sense, was a very good read!

The next Readers' Group Meeting is 3rd September, 2009, when we shall be discussing Jodi Picoult's book, My Sister's Keeper. See you then!

Readers Group Questions: Intelligent Church By Steve Chalke - 9.7.2009 - 03/07/2009

1. What exactly do you believe about God? (in a nutshell)
2. What are the non-negotiables of church – what are the things that make a church a church?
3. Is there a difference between how we ‘do’ church at and how we should/could do it eg. should we discard the building and get a more modern one that would be less intimidating to the non- churched?
4. Before we can be more inclusive of the local community how can we be more inclusive ‘in-house’ eg why do the young people (30s and 40s) who put up for the leadership team fail to get on time and time again?
5. Who is the local community?
6. Should the church be open 24/7 serving the local community?
7. How can church become more ‘messy’? Are we too middle class?
8. How can we change the perception of Christianity from a message of ‘do not’ to one of hope and love?
9. What do people think is their main stumbling block with inviting people to church?
10. Can we think of any ways that we could become more engaged with our local town centre community?
11. In what ways would you like the church to become more honest? eg use of everyday language Bible
12. What do you think of the Faithworks Charter?
13. Try to make the Faithworks Charter more user-friendly.

Enlarge My Vision - 16/06/2009

GENERATE 2009:

SALVATION ARMY: Adult & Family Ministries Conference

At The Hayes Conference Centre, Swanwick

26^th – 28^th June

Title: ‘ENLARGE MY VISION’

Mel will be Keynote Speaker at this Event, beginning on Friday evening with the Keynote Address, titled: Five Tent Pegs & A Central Pole.

Workshops led by Mel on Saturday will examine what it means to Enlarge My Vision, in the light of these five ‘tent pegs’:

• Character
• Creativity
• Circumstances
• Conflict
• Comfort

and, of course, the Central Pole, Christ-Centredness

Book Review: Intelligent Church by Steve Chalke - 16/06/2009

UV READERS’ GROUP MEETS NEXT IN THE LIBRARY AT THE GRAND

AT 7.30pm ON 9^th JULY, 2009

Intelligent Church by Steve Chalke

Intelligent Church by Steve Chalke is the book under discussion at the next meeting of the UV Readers’ Group. The following review, written by Simon, should whet your appetite. Unfortunately, I shall be at a meeting in London, so I have asked Anne to compile the questions and to lead the discussion. Following the event, these will be posted on this page.

How can the church connect a biblical understanding of God with 21st century culture?

Steve Chalke answers this question in a book which is dynamic and purposeful. He begins chapters by discussing an area of theology, such as the incarnation or the trinity. He then explains how an intelligent church should embody characteristics which stem from these concepts, such as diversity, honesty or inclusiveness.

At the end of each chapter is a ‘Yes but How’ section which gives suggestions about how these ideas can be applied practically. This book is insightful and inspiring, and I would recommend it as a brilliant way to think about the relevance and purpose of the church in today’s world.

Reviewed by SW

Book Review: The Lost Message of Jesus, by Steve Chalke & Alan Mann - 02/06/2009

At the heart of this book is the message of hope the Church can offer the world. The message that God’s Kingdom is here, that it’s open to absolutely everyone through Jesus and that it’s good.

The book explores how Jesus’ life exemplified His message of hope that we need to both grasp for ourselves and hold out to others. Not a message of judgement, criticism, fear and pressure to conform but a message that speaks of shalom - “contentment, health, justice, liberation, fulfilment, freedom and hope, the equipping of a person so they can cope with life’s sufferings and sorrows while basking in the beauty and the joy that it brings.”

The book raised some uncomfortable questions for me - about how effectively I communicate this message, about my own feelings towards the marginalised in my community, about how much people would need to conform in order to fit into church and about how there can only be two directions of travel in my discipleship journey – towards Jesus or away from Him.

Reviewed by JC

The Shack By William Young: UV READERS' GROUP DISCUSSION SUMMARY - 25/04/2009

Is The Shack A True Story?

This was one of the issues raised when twenty-one of us met on Thursday to share our impressions of William Young’s debut novel. Many of us found ourselves thinking of Madeleine McCann, the four year old who disappeared in Portugal whilst holidaying with her parents and twin sibs, who has never been seen again. The book, we felt, would bring solace to all parents who have ever suffered the direct loss of a child through death, or indirectly through drugs or delinquency.

Some of the group felt that the book had been written in three distinct styles, and that there were times when, for various reasons, they felt they didn’t want to read on. However, we all agreed that we found ourselves increasingly drawn into the story and, despite its sometimes harrowing nature, thought it an amazingly uplifting novel, overall. Certainly one which we would be happy to pass on to non-believers to open up a dialogue about faith.

Where Is God When Things Go Wrong?

The theme is stated on the back cover of the book as “Where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain?” Most of the group felt that this issue was the biggest stumbling block for unbelievers, though some thought it a cop-out: a mere excuse for lack of faith in the sense of a rhetorical, almost sarcastic question, “and where is God when you need him?”

When the question is re-phrased as “Where does God stand when it comes to suffering?” some of the group felt that non-believers, and possibly some Christians, seem to take this to mean does God “allow” suffering (in the sense of “sending” it)? Personally, I believe that God’s stance on suffering is very clearly demonstrated in the crucifixion. But not simply as an illustration: Father and Son suffered in agony. They don’t just use our pain to make us into “better people”. They know it. They feel it. Because they’ve “been there” and “done that”.

How Are We To Deal With Christian Belief That The Book Is Heretical?

When it came to the reviews quoted in the Questions, and others that members of the group had read online, the Oedipus complex was dismissed as rubbish. The issue, quite simply, did not occur to any of the readers.

Some of the women questioned the men in the group as to their reaction to a female God, and received an overwhelmingly positive response. So often, it was felt, the church was perceived as stern and legalistic and, by implication, so was God. Consequently, the motherly, nurturing aspects of a plump black woman called Papa, conjured up an altogether softer, more approachable image. By toppling all our previously held conceptions, Papa was seen to be an accessible figure!

There was some discussion about the importance of numbers and symbolism. Missy was six and a half years old when she disappeared: not yet quite the perfect seven of the Bible. It was three and a half years (half of seven) after her death before Mack returned to The Shack. And then there was the Narnia-esque metaphor of Winter turning to Spring when he found Missy there.

By far the most difficult passage in the book came at the end of Chapter Twelve. “Is that what it means to be a Christian,” asks Mack. “Who said anything about being a Christian?” Jesus replies. “I’m not a Christian.” He then goes on to list people from every creed, race and political persuasion, as well as those of the criminal class and the self-righteous. All, he declares, may love him and be transformed into Papa’s sons and daughters without ever becoming Christians.

Controversial? I’ll say! Heretical? I don’t think so. When asked by Mack if that means that all roads lead to him, Jesus replies unequivocally that most roads lead nowhere, but that he will travel any road to find “you”. That’s you, and me!

The discussion that followed questioned the relationship of faith and deeds and asked if leading a good life was a prerequisite of a Christian. Clearly not, we concluded, given that the thief on the cross had no time to make amends for his wickedness, yet was emphatically and instantly accepted by Jesus and given access to Paradise. With that in mind, how can we doubt that we may well encounter many of those listed on page 182 if, and when, we reach heaven ourselves?

Hard stuff to comprehend. But as one member put it: God often offends the head, in order to reach the heart.

This is, in my view, definitely a book for our time. How can we doubt that God brought it into being for this time of recession, when losses of all kinds are being visited upon mankind on an unprecedented global scale? Loss of a child may be the ultimate pain. But loss of job; economic stability; self-worth; home; marriage; perhaps, even, family must come pretty high in the suffering stakes. And if there’s one thing that this book shows, it’s that Christian belief in the grace and compassion of God is the answer to everything. The only answer!

UV Book Group Questions - The Shack by William P Young - 21/04/2009

UV READERS’ GROUP

7.30pm Thursday 23rd April 2009

The Shack By William P Young

PART ONE: GENERAL IMPRESSIONS

• What do you think of the style in which the book is written?
• Can you identify the theme of the book?
• The book was originally self-published and, it has been said, would have benefited from editing. Do you agree?
• Following is a comment left by the reader of a review of The Shack. Would you agree that this sums up the plot?

The main character seems to be going through a psychic metamorphis (SP) of sorts….Mac has a cruel father. Mac, as a child runs away from home after poisoning his fathers liquor bottles, and finds a wife that has more mother-like qualities than spouse qualities…he comes to the shack with anger towards a Father God who has allowed the horrific death of his child…he is greeted by a motherly figure called Papa, in place of the “traditional” father God…the mother, as his wife has, can communicate with Mac, Mac hears his own thoughts, and they are comforting….in the end the mother is replaced with a middle aged man (Mac himself) and the oepidal complex (Mel’s notes: Oedipus complex – identified by Freud – is the subconscious sexual desire of a – usually male – child for its mother and consequent exclusion of its father) is complete. He has replaced his earthly father (killing him and marrying a mother figure) and then replaces his Heavenly father (with a mother figure, then himself). The cycle is complete, the complex remains.

• Do you think these images are helpful a) to Christians; b) to non-Christians.
• Depending upon what you answered in Q2, why do you think the book has become so popular? (The theme is stated as “Where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain?”).

PART TWO: POSITIVE PERSONAL IMPRESSIONS

• Did you find the book enjoyable / beneficial / inspirational? If so, how / in what way? (A ‘No’ answer will be dealt with later).
• Thinking of other examples of allegory – e.g. Narnia Chronicles (C.S.Lewis); Pilgrim’s Progress (John Bunyan) do you think this a good medium in which to convey spiritual mysteries? a) to Christians? b) to non-Christians? (A ‘No’ answer will be dealt with later).
• How do you think this story might have a positive effect on non Christians?
• Has the story helped you to talk to non-Christians about the Gospel?

PART THREE: NEGATIVE OPINIONS

• Are there inherent dangers in interpretation of allegory a) on the part of the author? b) on the part of the reader?
• Do you think the book’s popularity is due to an emotional reaction rather than a reasoned or spiritual response?
• If so, what does this tell you about its readers? Do you think they - Christians and non-Christians - are searching for a God they don't find elsewhere?
• Following is a review of the book. Would you agree with the conclusions and if so, how? (This link accesses the entire argument)

The Shack has been received among Christians with decidedly mixed reviews. While many have acclaimed it as a groundbreaking story that brings to life heart-stirring theology, others insist that some of what it teaches is patently unbiblical.

• Does the following statement make you feel uncomfortable? If so, why?

Where Eugene Peterson, Professor Emeritus of Spiritual Theology at Regent College in Vancouver says it “has the potential to do for our generation what John Bunyan’s The Pilgrim Progress did for his,” Dr. Albert Mohler, President of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary says, “This book includes undiluted heresy.”

PART FOUR: CONCLUSIONS

• Did you come tonight with firm opinions – either positive or negative - about the book?
• Will you be leaving, tonight, with those views unchanged?
• If not – i.e. you are now either more positive or negative about the book – will that help your personal walk with God?
• Will the shaping / reshaping of your views help you to challenge non-Christian perspectives in a positive and helpful way?

April 2009 Meeting of UV Readers' Group - 05/04/2009

APRIL 2009 MEETING OF UV READERS’ GROUP

We meet on: Thursday 23rd April
At: 7.30pm
Where: The Library, Grand Hotel
Book: The Shack by William P Young

UV Book Group - Why Trust The Bible By Amy Orr-Ewing - 03/03/2009

The Library at The Grand is such a comfortable venue, and so conducive to feeling comfortable in every sense of the word. Seventeen of us met on this occasion and a lively discussion followed. We all agreed it was a most enjoyable evening, with everyone making a valuable contribution. This time the questions were compiled by Pippa, and were as follows.

Why trust the Bible? by Amy Orr-Ewing

Discussion questions for UV Book Group

Starter questions

1. Amy asks “Why is the world’s best-selling book rubbished by so many?” (p11)
2. Why don’t most Christians in the UK treasure the Bible like Chinese Christians (p11)?
3. Do you ever discuss the Bible with your friends? What do they think God is like?
4. Why do you think people, especially the younger generation, have so little Bible knowledge today? Does it bother you?

Questions on individual chapters followed. The group agreed that following the September 11th attacks, people appear to be afraid of fundamentalism and think it is dangerous to believe what holy books say.

The author stated that, “As a society we are now sceptical of any form of certainty” and that, therefore, “a person with any kind of certainty or conviction is an anomaly.” Many of us said that we had found this to be true in our experience.

When it came to the question of the Bible’s integrity compared to other ancient writings, it was agreed that the body of evidence was overwhelming. The fact that the texts came from so many different sources, eras and cultures, yet with so unified an approach, only added to its certainty and veracity.

As if it needed any further proof, the Bible was shown to have originated from a body of 24,000 texts. By comparison, manuscripts verifying the existence of, say, Julius Caesar, amount to only 10. Yet no one doubts that he lived and breathed! Which makes it all the more extraordinary when people question the reality of Jesus’ life.

The question as to whether the Bible is sexist threw up some interesting arguments. But everyone agreed that the Bible, in fact, is full of anecdotal material and commendations of women – despite the fact that even to mention a woman would have been counter-cultural. The conclusion, we all agreed, was that cultural influences and the church, itself, may be sexist, but the Bible could never be accused of being so.

The Christian’s response to war, it was agreed, could never be anything but revulsion. Nevertheless, a case was made for the defence, by an individual, of his family and property (no one would stand back and take a conscientious objection to defending his child from being stabbed, for instance). By extension, this must include the defence of a stranger whose life or limb was threatened. And thus a case for war may be made in certain circumstances – DESPITE – the general disgust and loathing in which it must be held.

Discussion on the subject of homosexuality concluded the evening. It was agreed that “fornication” – whether homosexual or heterosexual – was what the Bible cites as being undesirable, and “Hating the sin but loving the sinner” was the over-riding response from both the author and the book group. Although the cultural mores of Jesus’ time showed the practice to be accepted among some individuals as a dalliance, it was never seen as a life-choice in the way that marriage was perceived. It was felt that in today’s climate, a negative approach was perceived, by a vociferous minority, to be homophobic. There was a consensus of revulsion, however, when it came to what could only be seen as predatory advances by homosexuals on the young and the vulnerable.

Contact me if you have comments to make, or message me on Twitter. We meet in April to discuss The Shack. Plenty there to feed one’s thoughts and imagination! See you then.

Free, Prize Draw On New Christian Book Website - 16/01/2009

A new Christian website is celebrating its launch by offering a Draw, with a prize of several Christian books. Worth checking out! Mel

Book Launch Generosity Nets Profits For Charities - 06/12/2008

What a brilliant event the book launch on Friday was! It had been laid on by a couple who had recently ‘downsized’ to a sumptuous apartment, which comprised the whole of the ground floor of a huge Victorian mansion. Professional people, they had invited guests from all walks of life for a wine and cheese evening. Poised between the crystal chandeliers and the pale, velvet-soft carpets, we defied the doom and gloom of economic recession in more ways than one!

RAISING MONEY FOR CHARITY

Following a ten-minute interview conducted by my hostess – in which I spoke of how I started writing, how my bestseller came into being, the BBC Radio 5 Live broadcast on Monday, and the story behind my novel A Painful Post Mortem – I started signing and selling books. Urged by my hostess to buy more than one copy of each title for Christmas presents, the guests were more than generous. Throwing twenty-pound notes at me and telling me to keep the change, they soon raised a couple of hundred pounds for my two charities (35% profits from sales). Cheques will be on their way to Tearfund (for their work with 3rd world babies born HIV+) and Care For The Family (for their project ‘drug-proofing UK teenagers). Many thanks to everyone who participated.

A Painful Post Mortem - Book Launch - 05/12/2008

5TH December, 2008

BOOK LAUNCH in Torquay

This is to take the form of a

Wine & Cheese Party

By invitation only

Mel will be speaking about her career as an author

Debate on BBC Radio 5 Live - 02/12/2008

I’ve been asked to take part in the Richard Bacon programme on BBC Radio 5 Live on Tuesday 2nd December from midnight until 1 a.m. The debate is: "Can step parents replace real parents?" Because I’ve written a book titled Stepfamilies, I’ve been asked to take the ‘yes’ side. Listen in if you want to put a voice to the name and face. And take a look at the first of a series of posts on the subject of Successful Step Parenting

UV Readers' Group - Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey - 10/11/2008

Following a number of apologies, nine of us met in The Library, including three men this time! Celia (who was unable to be with us on this occasion) had, at my request, compiled a list of questions pertaining to the book – partly because I was tied up with work / being unwell / parents; partly because I think it’s good to have different people doing it.

FOUNDATIONS OF CHRISTIAN FAITH

Once again we had a lively and enjoyable evening in the comfort of The Grand. We opened with general discussion on our impression of Philip Yancey’s Soul Survivor which charted the journey of his Christian faith. As it is divided into chapters on the people who had most influenced the author, we all had our particular favourites. Mine was Henri Nouwen as he, like me, identified with many of the characteristics of an eldest child (see my blogs on the subject). We then moved on to sharing who, in our own lives, had shaped our Christian faith.

CHALLENGING PREJUDICE AND DISCRIMINATION

Questions on racial and social prejudice were raised as we looked at the renowned psychiatrist Robert Cole and the way in which he suddenly realised how he had looked down on his dormitory maid, while at the same time gaining A’s in his ethics course at university. We agreed that it was all-too easy to pay lip-service to this matter, inadvertently, while failing to endorse those in more ‘lowly’ positions than ourselves or, indeed, to go the other way and over-compensate for those of a different colour.

INFLUENCES OF CHILDHOOD

Paul Brand, the subject of the chapter titled Detours to Happiness, insisted that pain is of great value, citing the lack of feeling in leprosy – and resulting damage to fingers, toes and limbs – as proof. The consequences of pain in our own lives brought some interesting personal anecdotes, as did the matter on how renouncing material possessions and radically simplifying our lives might affect the development of faith. Then we came to the question on how our childhood experience had shaped our adult faith. It seemed, from the story of how one woman had been hauled before the deacons, as a twelve year old, for daring to wear a sleeveless blouse on a Sunday (which her mother had bought her) that my own lackadaisical non-Christian childhood had served me well. At least I came to faith with no hang-ups! We parted with a number of us promising ourselves that we would follow up on reading more about our favourite person. With a selection as varied as Martin Luther King and Leo Tolstoy to choose from, we should have plenty of reading matter lined up in the coming months!

FEBRUARY 2009 MEETING

Thursday 26^th February 2009 at The Grand. From a selection of three books suggested ( Why Trust The Bible, Ewing; The Bible Jesus Read, Yancey; Eat This Book, Peterson) we felt it would be good to have a woman author for a change. Copies of Why Trust The Bible by Amy Orr Ewing will be available sometime after Christmas – to be advised.

Soul Survivor - UV Readers' Group Meeting - 04/10/2008

UV READERS’ GROUP

will be meeting in THE LIBRARY atTHE GRAND HOTEL at

7pm on THURSDAY 23rd OCTOBER 2008

Please bring your book with you: Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey
Refreshments will be available from the bar

Creative Writing Blog; UV's Readers' Group - 11/09/2008

I hope you've noticed! I've redesigned, and revised some of the content, on a number of my pages – mainly to give visitors greater access, and ease in navigating. Take a look at the following pages: Home; About Me; My Books; Mel's Muse. I’d love to hear from you to know whether I’ve achieved my aim.

BLOG: CREATIVE WRITING COURSE

Looking through my files, I came across some of the workshops I used to run on Creative Writing, and because I’m always keen to encourage would-be writers to start a project, or to improve and existing one, I decided to do something with them. I began The How-to of Creative Writing on my blog exactly a month ago, and from my Google stats I see that it is attracting quite a bit of interest. My intention is to make it into an e-book, eventually. This last post links to all the others.

UV READERS’ GROUP

Book reviews are now out. I’ll be writing about these in the next few days. In the meantime, the next meeting is 23rd October at 7.pm.

Magazine Articles, Bereavement Poem & Readers' Feedback - 31/08/2008

MAGAZINE ARTICLES

Sorry I haven’t had time to update my diary lately. It’s been a bit hectic. Besides, what is there to say about this sodden summer? Several interviews and articles featuring my novel, A Painful Post Mortem have appeared in various publications: Activate, The Christian Writer, Devon Today among them, with more to follow.

WEBSITE

My bereavement poem, Death Is But A Door – an excerpt from the book – has generated huge interest among readers. It was positioned at No. 8 by Google, and they’ve ranked my website 3/10. Quite an achievement, I feel, given that I’ve only been blogging for a couple of months, and many websites don’t rank at all.

READERS’ FEEDBACK

Several readers have been kind enough to e-mail their comments about the book (mainly positive!) and I’m always grateful for this. You know, instantly, whether or not you’re engaging with an audience you’re speaking to, and have the opportunity to make adjustments if and when necessary. Writing is a solitary task in the process and aftermath unless readers comment, and if you feel you haven’t struck a chord, you’re stuck with a work which is unchangeable. It can be quite dispiriting – so thank you, all who have taken the trouble to write. Please continue. I love to hear from you.

Long Crendon Ladies Breakfast - 21/06/2008

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO COMMENT ON THIS ARTICLE, OR ANY OTHER, PLEASE CLICK ON THE LINK

What an interesting and enjoyable couple of days we've had, my Better Half and I, away from home and away from our respective computers. For me, it was a rare opportunity to exchange the solitary slog of the written word for the altogether more interactive power of the spoken word. The event, a Ladies' Breakfast near Oxford, attracted around sixty women of all ages and status. Having gorged ourselves on large helpings of pancakes and strawberries laid on by the catering team, I thought I'd begin by letting my audience know that I used to be a Weight Watcher lecturer. A guilty giggle filled the hall! But when I did an Asda-type hand-tap on my gluteus maximus, the guilt subsided. As I said to them, the truth is in the wording - 'used-to-be' being the significant phrase.

I moved on in my talk to the snail patrol regularly conducted by my BH and three-and-a-half year old grandson (one of twins) before the bi-weekly walk to nursery. The snails, picked off the plants, are lobbed into the road - designated a mollusc playground by the twins - where their options are broadened from the narrow life of plant-eating, to those of being squashed by passing cars; becoming breakfast for passing birds; or hot-footing it back across the tarmac to wreak their revenge on our garden. "Sometimes," I said to my audience, "the thought crosses my mind, Thank you God that I wasn't born a snail."

Which brought me neatly to other things I'm glad I wasn't born. The mother of some of the teenagers knifed to death, for instance. Or the father of some of the kids wielding the knife. "Can you imagine what it must be like," I asked, referring to recent newspaper reports, "to be the parent of a young adult whose life has been brought to an abrupt end?"

Of course - I can. And having lost a daughter in sudden, shocking and suspicious circumstances, I then proceeded to tell my audience about the novel I've written, which was inspired by my experiences. "You go through a painful post mortem," I said, holding up the book which has that as its title. "You ask yourself Why? Why did this happen? What? What did I do wrong? And Where? Where should I have gone for help?"

The point is, of course, that whilst I accept that there are probably many very sincere people in the business of helping and supporting those in need, most of the agencies I turned to for help when my daughter was at the height of her heroin addiction, were a complete and utter let down. They're all - from the Police, Social Services and Courts - either under-resourced, or hamstrung by political correctness. And the Child Psychologist - well, my daughter summed him up. "He was a weirdo," she said. "Needed psycho-analysing himself, if you ask me." That was before she kicked her habit, put herself through college, and settled down into a regular home-maker with her partner.

Which makes it all the harder when, five years into a happy and fulfilled life, she was found dead. What you're left with, when the Why? What? and Where? go unanswered, is the conclusion that you’re probably asking the wrong questions. That’s when you realize that Who? might be a more appropriate response. Who can I turn to? Which, as I said earlier, makes me thank God that I wasn't born a snail. Because if my daughter's life was like that of the Prodigal son, and I was a parent in pain, how much greater is His pain for us. And I, at least, have a human capacity to exercise faith and prayer.

UV Readers' Group Meeting - 21/05/2008

THEME: FAMILY LIFE

Study books: The Family, Jack & Judith Balswick; Bringing Home the Prodigals, and Teenagers, Rob Parsons

Do you remember, any of you, the TV advert of the little girl weighing up the pros and cons of ‘Daddy or chips?’ Well, we had something of a Daddy or chips evening on Wednesday.

A new venue for UV Readers’ Group brought warm appreciation from those who came, better parking and more comfortable seating being two of the features cited. The themed evening on Family, however, clearly had less appeal for some people, compared to the two events running simultaneously, both with the word Chelsea in their title! Numbers were down, and the male of the species – all those fathers and sons of the family – were noticeably missing.

Perhaps fortuitously! Their absence permitted a greater honesty among we women – especially when discussing the issues arising from the following quotes taken from the listed books:

1. “We have all, at times, made it easier for our prodigals to leave, kept them out of mind when they are gone and, saddest of all, made it harder for them to come home.” Prodigals, Parsons.
2. “The truth is, it’s not just our teenagers who are learning on the job; we as parents are trying to work out just how to communicate with this person . . .” Teenagers Parsons.
3. “Choose your battles . . . The key to winning wars is not to plan for last stands . . If we fight every battle, our teenagers will never discover the ones that really do matter to us.” Teenagers, Parsons.
4. “A person’s identity is formed in the family of origin. In fact, until puberty it is hard to think of ourselves apart from our family.” The Family, Balswick.
5. “Parents who have the respect of their children have legitimate power (authority) and influence. Parents who do not have the respect of their children often resort to force and coercion (dominance).” The Family, Balswick.

Interestingly, as stories of our own prodigals emerged, plus a lively debate on nature versus nurture and whether parenting skills were inherent or had to be learned, a clear divide appeared between those who were old enough to count smacking as a factor in their upbringing, and those whose youth informed their abbhorence of such practice. Did I detect a certain conceit when we declared that a smack had never done us any harm; that in twenty years time the naughty step might be deemed a humiliation too far; and that some of the children of today are raised – cruelly, in our opinion – believing that the world revolves around them? Or was there an element of smugness about the non-smackers, who would never, ever raise a hand against their offspring, but who have not, yet, had to face the traumas of teenagers with which we older mothers have had to cope?

Not a bit of it! We parted with hugs and an assurance that parenting is not perfect unless it’s divine – and returned home in a warm glow that at least matched, if not surpassed, that of the soccer-watchers and gardeners. Until next time . . .

A Painful Post Mortem publication - 15/05/2008

Publication of my novel A Painful Post Mortem. Launch dates to be confirmed.

Iraq: Searching For Hope - 10/01/2008

UV Readers’ Group met to talk about Andrew White’s book Iraq: Searching For Hope published by Continuum Publishing Ltd. It was a lively evening! Lots of cake, coffee and chat. The topic, naturally, attracted a fair few men, and the Readers’ Notes I had devised – although inconclusive – were deemed by all to be quite challenging. These included the following issues (taken from the book) for discussion:

• On Reconciliation: Whilst it is not acceptable to deal directly with terrorists . . .there are those who have access to these people, and some influence over them, and we have to talk to them. Do we share this view?
• On Evil: One of the leading Shia clerics said that people had no choice but to obey (Saddam’s) regime, but it is only enjoying what you are forced to do that makes it evil. Are goodness and evil absolutes?
• On Vision: When building Coventry Cathedral (UK), one workman spoke of “putting lead in windows to hold the glass in place” and another of “building a Cathedral.” Could this philosophy inspire and empower our lives?