Blog: Mel's Muse

Showing posts categorised as 'Self Help'

Picked For A Purpose 3: Seeds Sown

SEEDS SOWN

Sometimes people of faith speak of coincidence as being God-incidents.  So while a coincidence might be described as random - an accident, chance, luck, fluke, or twist of fate - a God-incident is thought to be an unexpected occurrence in which God is perceived to have had an influence. ...

Posted at 17:34pm on 8th September 2016

Picked For A Purpose 2: Seeds & Weeds

SEEDS & WEEDS

Have you ever felt useless?  As if nothing you do has any meaning or purpose?  Ever thought you didn’t fit in?  In your family?  At school?  At work?  Or that everyone else was more successful?  While you . . .?  Well!


These are the questions I ask when...
Posted at 13:49pm on 6th September 2016

Picked For A Purpose 1 - Me And Daddy, Daddy And Me

ME AND DADDY, DADDY AND ME

I suppose it was the letters that were the trigger – first for my depression, then for my understanding.  Small blue folded airmails that bore my mother’s name on them, plus whatever address happened to be relevant at the time.  She had kept them all...

Posted at 12:52pm on 6th September 2016

Break Loose (2015) Fly Free (2016)

What are your New Year’s resolutions?  How likely are you to achieve them?

I read an article recently, which said that 95% of diets fail.  Why?  Precisely because they are diets!   Counting calories or eliminating certain categories of food focuses your mind on the very thing you want to...

Posted at 12:34pm on 4th January 2016

A Hint Of An American Romance Blooming In Time To Shine?

And another excerpt from my latest novel, Time to Shine, which has gained more 5* reviews since the last taster on my blog.  Sorry that the photos of the sky don't quite match the description in the book.

Here, Evie Adams, with a broken marriage behind her, takes some time out...

Posted at 20:28pm on 17th July 2015

Time To Shine - A Taster Of My New Book

I thought you might like to read a taster of my new book - a gentle psychological mystery - and see a photograph of the setting in Exeter.  The protagonist, Evie Adams, is the narrator in this passage, taken from Chapter 2

Arriving for work early one morning soon after my...

Posted at 12:20pm on 29th June 2015

Big Book Sale: Stepfamilies - Practical Help To Build A Stable, Happy Stepfamily

How do you tell your children they are going to have a step-parent? How do you handle disagreements about access and money? How do you deal with past hurts and fears?

All families have their difficulties, but stepfamilies often face special problems. And with nearly a million of them in the...

Posted at 21:22pm on 7th February 2015

Dealing With Depression Caused By False Accusations

Photo: Desolation: An Empty Beach

In Dealing With Depression: An Author's Look At Life I stated that, as an author, writing is not what I do but who I am.  I went on to say that while writing and publishing a book is quite beyond me at present because I'm battling...

Posted at 01:30am on 16th July 2011

Teen Drug Abuse: Peer Education Training Challenges Misconceptions

INTRODUCTION TO GUEST BLOG BY LUCY CRIPPS

My novel, A Painful Post Mortem, has been selling now for sometime, and has raised a substantial sum of money for the two charities I chose to support with the proceeds. This month, in addition to the print edition, I decided to make it available as an e-book....
Posted at 20:07pm on 30th March 2010

Negative Personality Traits: How Do You Confront Them?

Many of you have taken the free Personality Test here, on my website, so I hope you will understand when I tell you that I woke up this morning feeling somewhat at the mercy of my Type. Actually, what I thought, was that I must be turning into my father! He would tell you...

Posted at 04:45am on 28th March 2010

If You Can (write) Do; If You Can't, Teach!

I came across an article, recently, which stated that creative writing courses for aspiring authors are a ‘racket’ - and I wondered what you think?

IS THIS THE TRUTH ABOUT CREATIVE WRITING COURSES?

The author of the post pointed out that among hundreds of writing tips offered by dozens of authors, not one suggested taking a...

Posted at 19:05pm on 9th March 2010

Transactional Analysis: Getting Off The Drama Triangle Part 2

The Drama Triangle is a model of dysfunctional relationships, in which I might see myself as occupying one of three roles: Victim; Rescuer; or Persecutor. As Victim I require you to become my Rescuer. If you don’t comply, I may become a Persecutor, accusing you of neglecting my needs. If you choose not to...

Posted at 02:33am on 5th February 2010

Conflict Resolution: Relationship Psychology - And Creating Fictional Characters

What I’m about to tell you will revolutionise the way you perceive your personal relationships. It will also give you immense insight when it comes to creative writing and publishing a book and, in particular, when you’re creating fictional characters. So, whether you are attempting to make sense of your own relationships, or looking for...

Posted at 01:28am on 7th January 2010

Authors: Tellers Of Tales, Weavers Of Dreams? Tap Into Your Childhood To Reveal And Nourish Hidden Emotional Creativity

Why do writers exist? What is it about the human race that makes us want to be authors and readers? Tellers of tales, serialisers of stories, weavers of dreams: what compels us? Scriptwriters, dramatists, actors, theatre-goers, radio broadcasters and listeners? Why? What inner compulsion urges us on – those of us who share our inner...

Posted at 09:00am on 23rd October 2009

Free Psychometric Profiling Switch On As The Power Of Positive Thinking Is Unplugged

The Power of Positive Thinking, Norman Vincent Peale, has electrified society for over half a century as the means of feeling valued and attaining success in life. Now, it appears, to have been unplugged – or at least to have suffered power failure and fizzled out! Despite an epidemic of positive thinking for the last...

Posted at 17:53pm on 22nd July 2009

Public Speaking As A Means To Enlarge My Vision: Part 2 - Receiving

I wrote, last week, about public speaking as being an act of investing in people, and suggested that it had a three dimensional nature: I give; I receive; I am filled. Having put in the effort to find out something about your audience, assembled your public speaking ideas and arranged them into a coherent...

Posted at 01:52am on 14th July 2009

Public Speaking As A Means To Enlarge My Vision: Part 1 - Preparing To Give

Public speaking for the dedicated communicator is so three dimensional. I give; I receive; I am filled. Or perhaps that should be: I am filled; I give; I receive. Let me explain.

Setting up a keynote address requires a huge effort. Especially if it includes visuals such as a Power Point Presentation. Hours of work...

Posted at 03:01am on 6th July 2009

Marriage And Remarriage: When Two Halves Don't Make A Whole

Following is an abridged and revised excerpt from Mel’s book Stepfamilies, which the BBC recently asked her to debate on the Richard Bacon show. In previous posts, the inference has been that unless the two people embarking on a second (or subsequent) marriage get it right, there is little chance of tackling other blended family...

Posted at 23:02pm on 22nd May 2009

Fact, Fiction Or Fable: Is This A Sorry Story Of Fault-finding?

I wrote a few weeks ago about Friedman’s Fables, which my daughter gave me for my birthday. The book is a collection of short stories – very short at times – each of which highlights a specific pattern of human behaviour. Because of events in my family, one of the stories particularly caught my...

Posted at 23:21pm on 15th March 2009

Modern Morality: What Is Its Place In Contemporary Fiction?

See, also, my post titled: Does Glamorising Abusive Sexual Relationships Adversely Influence Society? written in response to a recent BBC discussion about the merits (or otherwise) of a book like 50 Shades of Grey.

What do you learn about life, characterisation, plot or theme from what you read, or watch on...

Posted at 02:24am on 26th February 2009

Partner-pleasing: Styles Of Communicating

For those who have just joined this series on Partner-Pleasing, let me bring you up to date. The aim is not simply to illuminate ways of improving communication in a relationship, but to enhance the overall experience of couples with each other. The exercises are based on those used by the internationally recognised movement of...

Posted at 02:47am on 12th February 2009

Partner-pleasing: Different Ways Of Communication In A Relationship

Last week I began a series of blogs which are intended to be more than simply a swift read by an individual. So if you are part of a couple, read on. My aim, today, is to show you several ways of improving communication between you. And, in the coming weeks, to see how...

Posted at 22:35pm on 10th February 2009

Stroke Survival: How To Recognise The Signs & Save A Life

If your Mum or friend had a stroke would you know what to do to ensure their survival? No? Nor me! So when I received the following by e-mail, I thought it was so important, I’d put it up on my blog.

THE STORY OF A SAD AND UNNECESSARY DEATH

During a BBQ, a friend...

Posted at 20:59pm on 7th February 2009

Partner-pleasing: Do You Have Different Expectations Of One Another?

I don’t know about you, but sometimes, if we go out for a meal, I find myself people watching. It’s fascinating! There’s the middle-aged couple sitting at the table over by the wall who have said nothing to one another since they sat down and who, now that they’re tucking into their first course, make...

Posted at 04:05am on 5th February 2009

I Am Not A Doormat! Are You?

What do you do when you’re faced with other people’s problems, you’re expected to help, and you’re almost certainly being manipulated, or taken for granted? Do you simply fail to notice the way people are treating you and fall into line? Do you have a vague suspicion that you’re being exploited but get on with...

Posted at 02:46am on 1st February 2009

Building Sustainable Relationships For Stepfamilies

I hope you’ll forgive me! I’m afraid I’m going to take the easy way out today and simply upload part of a chapter from my Stepfamilies book, on the topic of building effective relationships with somebody else’s children. It’s been a difficult week; as I tweeted only today: my mother has fallen and broken her pelvis....

Posted at 23:37pm on 24th January 2009

Ten Tips To Help You Avoid The Breakdown Of A Relationship

When you look back on an argument you’ve had recently with someone close to you, do you sometimes feel it was a squabble over nothing? That what seemed like a major misunderstanding at the time was, actually, nothing more than a petty clash of opinion; or a state of affairs where the two of...

Posted at 17:51pm on 17th January 2009

Reviewing Techniques When Resolving Conflict

This is the first Post on my shiny new laptop. As I wrote, yesterday on my Twitter wall (I think that’s the correct jargon) setting up a new computer is a nightmare of mistakes, misunderstandings and misapprehension. Hence the lack of time to add anything to my blog for a few days.

So I thought, today,...

Posted at 06:22am on 16th January 2009

How To Recognise The Signs Of Relationship Breakdown

Boy, did my last post on Children In Divorce & Separation provoke a response! Not in comments, because it’s a painful subject; but in more hits on my website than ever before. There's obviously a lot of hurt out there, especially at this time of year.

That article dealt with the effects of family breakdown...

Posted at 08:00am on 11th December 2008

Step Parenting Advice: Don't Do It Unless You're Prepared To Work At It!

Can A Step Parent Ever Replace A Real Parent? This was the topic under debate on the Richard Bacon radio show on BBC Radio 5 Live on Tuesday evening. As the author of a book titled Stepfamilies, I had been invited to participate to put the positive side of the case, whilst Philip Parkin, General...

Posted at 20:19pm on 4th December 2008

Advent: A Time To Reflect Between Thanksgiving & Gift Giving - Ten Tips To Happiness

I woke, yesterday morning, feeling bad-tempered. This is a rare occurrence and is almost alwaysas a result of my husband’s snoring! There’s something deeply offensive about lying next to someone whose somnolence – loudly and bed-tremblingly declared - is the sole reason for your inability to sleep. Don’t you think?

A FEELING OF CONTENTMENT WAS MARKEDLY...
Posted at 18:37pm on 2nd December 2008

Assertiveness Training: Ten Tips To A Stronger You

I’ve written, previously, about people pleasers and how we can go about managing conflicting priorities in specific situations. We talked about our need to expect respect, and how to promote dignity. Today I want to write about the art of assertiveness as a life style choice.

TAKING ON OTHER PEOPLE’S PROBLEMS

A number of years ago,...

Posted at 02:18am on 30th November 2008

Successful Step Parenting: Do You Know What It Takes?

I’ve been asked by BBC Radio 5 Live if I would take part in a debate, arguing the case for the premiss Can A Step Parent Take The Place Of A Real Parent? The e-mail was from one of their producers, who said he’d found my book, Stepfamilies on a Google search. During the telephone...

Posted at 01:21am on 27th November 2008

Youngest Child In The Family: Paragon? Or Pain?

Where, in birth order, do you come among your siblings? Are you the youngest child in the family? Do you see yourself as different to your brothers and sisters? Are you aware of a gulf between them and you?

Having previously written about eldest child syndrome and middle child complex, today I’m going to begin...

Posted at 02:59am on 15th November 2008

Healing And Forgiveness

An article in The Times, last month, contrasted, without condemning, the reactions of two families who have recently been in the news. First was the story of the two young boys killed by footballer and drink driver Luke McCormick, whose family was unable to forgive him. And second was Carolyn Todd, the widow of Michael,...

Posted at 02:46am on 7th November 2008

People Pleasers: Managing Conflicting Priorities

Trying to please everybody frequently results in pleasing nobody – least of all yourself. The old maxim: You can please all of the people some of the time; some of the people all of the time; but you can't please all of the people all of the time is one,...

Posted at 22:12pm on 5th November 2008

The Art Of Forgiveness - Is It Achievable?

My daughter passed on to me her copy of The Times from a couple of weekends ago. She thought I might like to blog about an article to do with modern grannies, but my eye was caught by another – on healing and forgiveness. Time enough for grannies at a later date, I thought!

PERSONAL...
Posted at 19:39pm on 21st October 2008

Sex Or Chocolate? Chocolate Or Sex? How Would You Define Happiness?

Revised: NEW YEAR'S EVE, 31st December, 2009 Much has changed since I first wrote this article, so it seemed to me that it deserved to be revised, amended and added to, with quotes, suggestions and advice. I hope, that in following some of the ideas, you might find yourself stumbling on happiness, without, perhaps, ever...
Posted at 20:20pm on 15th October 2008

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