Blog - Related to Self Help
If You Can (Write) Do; If You Can't, Teach!
Posted: Tuesday, 9th March 2010
I came across an article, recently, which stated that creative writing courses for aspiring authors are a ‘racket’ - and I wondered what you think?
IS THIS THE TRUTH ABOUT CREATIVE WRITING COURSES?
The author of the post pointed out that among hundreds of writing tips offered by dozens of authors, not one suggested taking a creative writing course. The implication was that if you need to sit around being taught about writing, you’re never going to make it as a great writer or novelist.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Creative Writing
Transactional Analysis: Getting Off The Drama Triangle Part 2
Posted: Thursday, 4th February 2010
The Drama Triangle is a model of dysfunctional relationships, in which I might see myself as occupying one of three roles: Victim; Rescuer; or Persecutor. As Victim I require you to become my Rescuer. If you don’t comply, I may become a Persecutor, accusing you of neglecting my needs. If you choose not to be my Rescuer you may, instead, become a Persecutor, accusing me of failing to take responsibility for myself, and thus putting me back in the role of Victim. You may then feel guilty and become my Rescuer after all.
- This description of the games people play may be unrecognisable
to either of us.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Personal Growth; Relationships
Conflict Resolution: Relationship Psychology - And Creating Fictional Characters
Posted: Wednesday, 6th January 2010
What I’m about to tell you will revolutionise the way you perceive your personal relationships. It will also give you immense insight when it comes to creative writing and publishing a book and, in particular, when you’re creating fictional characters.
Articles on related themes: Writing & Publishing A Book; Relationships; Personal Growth; Self Help; Character
Authors: Tellers Of Tales, Weavers Of Dreams? Tap Into Your Childhood To Reveal And Nourish Hidden Emotional Creativity
Posted: Friday, 23rd October 2009
Why do writers exist? What is it about the human race that makes us want to be authors and readers? Tellers of tales, serialisers of stories, weavers of dreams: what compels us? Scriptwriters, dramatists, actors, theatre-goers, radio broadcasters and listeners? Why? What inner compulsion urges us on – those of us who share our inner selves – to make ourselves vulnerable? And what feeds that well of emotional creativity? What makes for great writing?
WHAT NURTURES & NOURISHES YOUR INNER SELF?
This is a serious question.
Articles on related themes: Books, Reading & Words; Self Help; Inspirational; Writing & Publishing A Book
Psychological Differences In A Relationship? Discover Which Personality Type You Are To Avert A Clash.
Posted: Wednesday, 12th August 2009
Dear Mel,
I love my stepdaughter and most of the time we have an ok relationship. But there are things about her that I just don’t seem to be able to cope with. To be honest, she drives me mad. I was going to say she drives me scatty – but that’s what she is – scatty! I’ve tried and I’ve tried but it’s beginning to affect my relationship between my hubby and me because he doesn’t know which of us to side with.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Relationships
Free Psychometric Profiling Switch On As The Power Of Positive Thinking Is Unplugged
Posted: Wednesday, 22nd July 2009
The Power of Positive Thinking, Norman Vincent Peale, has electrified society for over half a century as the means of feeling valued and attaining success in life. Now, it appears, to have been unplugged – or at least to have suffered power failure and fizzled out! Despite an epidemic of positive thinking for the last fifty years, we are, says the World Health Organisation, heading for a pandemic of depression in little more than a decade.
Psychologists have discovered from case studies, that
repeating positive thoughts can, actually, be counterproductive
– especially for those who are most in need of a
psychological boost.
Articles on related themes:
Books, Reading & Words; Self Help; Personal Growth
Public Speaking As A Means To Enlarge My Vision: Part 2 - Receiving
Posted: Monday, 13th July 2009
I wrote, last week, about public speaking as being an act of investing in people, and suggested that it had a three dimensional nature: I give; I receive; I am filled. Having put in the effort to find out something about your audience, assembled your public speaking ideas and arranged them into a coherent talk, complete with slides and a visual presentation, and injected some fun into your address in the form of simple ice breakers, it’s time now to take a look at the wider role of public speaking.
Articles on related themes: Speaking Engagements; Self Help; Personal Growth
Public Speaking As A Means To Enlarge My Vision: Part 1 - Preparing To Give
Posted: Sunday, 5th July 2009
Public speaking for the dedicated communicator is so three dimensional. I give; I receive; I am filled. Or perhaps that should be: I am filled; I give; I receive. Let me explain.
Setting up a keynote address requires a huge effort. Especially if it includes visuals such as a Power Point Presentation. Hours of work go into the talk, with the construction defined by the mantra:
- Tell your audience what you’re going to tell them
- Tell them
- Tell them what you’ve told them
INVESTING IN PEOPLE
Before you begin, it’s important to remember, during the preparation work, that when giving your talk you are investing in people.
Articles on related themes: Speaking Engagements; Self Help; Personal Growth
Marriage And Remarriage: When Two Halves Don't Make A Whole
Posted: Friday, 22nd May 2009
Following is an abridged and revised excerpt from Mel’s book Stepfamilies, which the BBC recently asked her to debate on the Richard Bacon show. In previous posts, the inference has been that unless the two people embarking on a second (or subsequent) marriage get it right, there is little chance of tackling other blended family issues, such as step-parenting.
Most marriages don’t add two people together. They
subtract one from the other.
Articles on related themes:
Relationships; Self Help; Family & Parenting; Books, Reading & Words; Stepfamilies
My Mother in Law Or Voluntary Work? My Husband Says Charity Begins At Home
Posted: Friday, 3rd April 2009
Dear Mel,
You once wrote something about trying to please everyone – I forget what – but you know what I mean – people like me who still have kids at home who don’t seem to want to leave, and who have to hold down a job, ok its only part time - and now this. My mother in law’s been widowed and says she can’t cope and there’s only me to help – my brother in law’s no good. He never comes near her, though he only lives about thirty miles away.
Articles on related themes: Life, Faith & Other Stuff; Self Help; Relationships
Fact, Fiction Or Fable: Is This A Sorry Story Of Fault-Finding?
Posted: Sunday, 15th March 2009
I wrote a few weeks ago about Friedman’s Fables, which my daughter gave me for my birthday. The book is a collection of short stories – very short at times – each of which highlights a specific pattern of human behaviour. Because of events in my family, one of the stories particularly caught my eye.
WHY DOES NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS?
My situation revolves around a decision made ten years ago by my parents and sister which has resulted in the breakdown of family relationships, plus financial consequences which have made my parents bitterly regret that decision.
Articles on related themes: Books, Reading & Words; Self Help; Relationships
Modern Morality: What Is Its Place In Contemporary Fiction?
Posted: Wednesday, 25th February 2009
What do you learn about life, characterisation, plot or theme from what you read, or watch on TV? Do you, in fact, analyse such elements as, say, individual responsibilities or manipulative behaviour? Or do you see drama and literature as merely entertainment?
I ask because my eldest daughter, knowing me well and being of similar mind, has sent me a book for my birthday. Titled Friedman’s Fables (read the Amazon review), it was written by the family therapist and rabbi, Edwin Friedman, who practised in Washington DC for over 35 years until his death in 1996.
Articles on related themes: Books, Reading & Words; Self Help; Assertiveness; Plot; Character; Theme
Partner-Pleasing: Styles Of Communicating
Posted: Wednesday, 11th February 2009
For those who have just joined this series on Partner-Pleasing, let me bring you up to date. The aim is not simply to illuminate ways of improving communication in a relationship, but to enhance the overall experience of couples with each other. The exercises are based on those used by the internationally recognised movement of Marriage Enrichment, and were foundational to Courses led by my other half and I.
In the first article, we looked at Partner-Pleasing: Do You Have Different Expectations Of One Another? and, in particular, at Knowing and Being Known.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Relationships
Partner-Pleasing: Different Ways Of Communication In A Relationship
Posted: Tuesday, 10th February 2009
Last week I began a series of blogs which are intended to be more than simply a swift read by an individual. So if you are part of a couple, read on. My aim, today, is to show you several ways of improving communication between you. And, in the coming weeks, to see how easy it is to understand your partner better, and deepen your love for one another.
These exercises were devised some years ago, when my other half and I used to lead Family Forum’s and Marriage Enrichment Courses. But their relevance is as meaningful today as it was then.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Relationships
Stroke Survival: How To Recognise The Signs & Save A Life
Posted: Saturday, 7th February 2009
If your Mum or friend had a stroke would you know what to do to ensure their survival? No? Nor me! So when I received the following by e-mail, I thought it was so important, I’d put it up on my blog.
THE STORY OF A SAD AND UNNECESSARY DEATH
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and fell. Someone offered to call the paramedics, but she assured everyone that she was fine, and that she’d just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.
Her friends got her cleaned up and brought her a new plate of food.
Articles on related themes: Life, Faith & Other Stuff; Self Help
Partner-Pleasing: Do You Have Different Expectations Of One Another?
Posted: Wednesday, 4th February 2009
I don’t know about you, but sometimes, if we go out for a meal, I find myself people watching. It’s fascinating! There’s the middle-aged couple sitting at the table over by the wall who have said nothing to one another since they sat down and who, now that they’re tucking into their first course, make no eye contact whatever. On the other side of the restaurant, there’s a couple of kids who look as if they’re barely out of college, who are engaging in a ding-dong row, comprising scowling faces, pointed fingers and inaudible, but clearly furious, phrases spitting like flame-throwers from their mouths.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Relationships
I Am Not A Doormat! Are You?
Posted: Saturday, 31st January 2009
What do you do when you’re faced with other people’s problems, you’re expected to help, and you’re almost certainly being manipulated, or taken for granted? Do you simply fail to notice the way people are treating you and fall into line? Do you have a vague suspicion that you’re being exploited but get on with the job, anyway? Or do you realise what’s happening, but bite your tongue and conform to expectation?
See if you can relate to this.
- You are in a relationship which in some way is abusive.
- You are always being put down, verbally, both in private and in public.
- Your needs are never recognised, nor met.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Assertiveness
Building Sustainable Relationships For Stepfamilies
Posted: Saturday, 24th January 2009
I hope you’ll forgive me! I’m afraid I’m going to take the easy way out today and simply upload part of a chapter from my Stepfamilies book, on the topic of building effective relationships with somebody else’s children. It’s been a difficult week; as I tweeted only today: my mother has fallen and broken her pelvis. To make it worse, she’s on holiday in Spain. Worse still, she is my dad’s Carer: he has dementia. (This is beginning to sound like the plot for a novel!) Lots of obstacles to be overcome.
Articles on related themes: Relationships; Self Help; Family & Parenting; Books, Reading & Words; Stepfamilies
Ten Tips To Help You Avoid The Breakdown Of A Relationship
Posted: Saturday, 17th January 2009
When you look back on an argument you’ve had recently with someone close to you, do you sometimes feel it was a squabble over nothing? That what seemed like a major misunderstanding at the time was, actually, nothing more than a petty clash of opinion; or a state of affairs where the two of you have different expectations?
I wrote, a few days ago, about a situation like that, which arose between my husband and me, and I finished with some of our strategies, used to resolve conflict. I hope you found them helpful.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Relationships
Reviewing Techniques When Resolving Conflict
Posted: Thursday, 15th January 2009
This is the first Post on my shiny new laptop. As I wrote, yesterday on my Twitter wall (I think that’s the correct jargon) setting up a new computer is a nightmare of mistakes, misunderstandings and misapprehension. Hence the lack of time to add anything to my blog for a few days.
So I thought, today, that I’d write a combi-post. As some of you may know, in addition to posting articles on Creative Writing, my aim is to “offer hope to the hurting” (Click to see What Drives You) . Quite often – as I’ve said before – the two overlap.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Personal Growth; Relationships; Writing & Publishing A Book; Character
How To Recognise The Signs Of Relationship Breakdown
Posted: Thursday, 11th December 2008
Boy, did my last post on Children In Divorce & Separation provoke a response! Not in comments, because it’s a painful subject; but in more hits on my website than ever before. There's obviously a lot of hurt out there, especially at this time of year.
That article dealt with the effects of family breakdown on children – in other words, after the event. So I’m going to follow up with a couple of ‘before the event’ articles, on ways to avoid stress. Hopefully, a few simple strategies should tide you over the holiday period until you can seek outside help.
Articles on related themes: Family & Parenting; Self Help; Relationships
Step Parenting Advice: Don't Do It Unless You're Prepared To Work At It!
Posted: Thursday, 4th December 2008
Can A Step Parent Ever Replace A Real Parent? This was the topic under debate on the Richard Bacon radio show on BBC Radio 5 Live on Tuesday evening. As the author of a book titled Stepfamilies, I had been invited to participate to put the positive side of the case, whilst Philip Parkin, General Secretary of the Teachers Union Voice, was to argue against. In the event, we both (I think) found ourselves singing from the same hymn sheet.
Articles on related themes: Relationships; Self Help; Family & Parenting; Stepfamilies
Advent: A Time To Reflect Between Thanksgiving & Gift Giving - Ten Tips To Happiness
Posted: Tuesday, 2nd December 2008
I woke, yesterday morning, feeling bad-tempered. This is a rare occurrence and is almost alwaysas a result of my husband’s snoring! There’s something deeply offensive about lying next to someone whose somnolence – loudly and bed-tremblingly declared - is the sole reason for your inability to sleep. Don’t you think?
A FEELING OF CONTENTMENT WAS MARKEDLY ABSENT!
But that wasn’t the only reason I felt bad-tempered.
Articles on related themes: Personal Growth; Self Help; Life, Faith & Other Stuff
Assertiveness Training: Ten Tips To A Stronger You
Posted: Saturday, 29th November 2008
I’ve written, previously, about people pleasers and how we can go about managing conflicting priorities in specific situations. We talked about our need to expect respect, and how to promote dignity. Today I want to write about the art of assertiveness as a life style choice.
TAKING ON OTHER PEOPLE’S PROBLEMS
A number of years ago, I found myself going through a particularly difficult period of life. My daughter had died in suspicious circumstances, leaving a baby of eighteen months. My husband’s business was ailing, so I had to give up my career as an author and take on an administrative job to help keep us afloat.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Assertiveness
Successful Step Parenting: Do You Know What It Takes?
Posted: Wednesday, 26th November 2008
I’ve been asked by BBC Radio 5 Live if I would take part in a debate, arguing the case for the premiss Can A Step Parent Take The Place Of A Real Parent? The e-mail was from one of their producers, who said he’d found my book, Stepfamilies on a Google search. During the telephone conversation that ensued, he asked me if I knew of anyone who might argue the case against. I’ve had to say that I don’t.
STEPFAMILY PROBLEMS
My book was based on personal experience, but also included a number of case studies: people my second husband and I interviewed for the book.
Articles on related themes: Forgiveness; Self Help; Family & Parenting; Bereavement; Stepfamilies
Youngest Child In The Family: Paragon? Or Pain?
Posted: Friday, 14th November 2008
Where, in birth order, do you come among your siblings? Are you the youngest child in the family? Do you see yourself as different to your brothers and sisters? Are you aware of a gulf between them and you?
Having previously written about eldest child syndrome and middle child complex, today I’m going to begin a study on the concept of the youngest child in the family.
Articles on related themes: Family & Parenting; Life, Faith & Other Stuff; Self Help
UV Readers' Group - Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey
Posted: Monday, 10th November 2008
Following a number of apologies, nine of us met in The Library, including three men this time! Celia (who was unable to be with us on this occasion) had, at my request, compiled a list of questions pertaining to the book – partly because I was tied up with work / being unwell / parents; partly because I think it’s good to have different people doing it.
FOUNDATIONS OF CHRISTIAN FAITH
Once again we had a lively and enjoyable evening in the comfort of The Grand. We opened with general discussion on our impression of Philip Yancey’s Soul Survivor which charted the journey of his Christian faith.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Book Reviews
Healing And Forgiveness
Posted: Thursday, 6th November 2008
An article in The Times, last month, contrasted, without condemning, the reactions of two families who have recently been in the news. First was the story of the two young boys killed by footballer and drink driver Luke McCormick, whose family was unable to forgive him. And second was Carolyn Todd, the widow of Michael, Chief Constable of Greater Manchester who forgave her husband not only his affairs, but also his death on a mountain in Wales. In the same week, the British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, and Cabinet Minister, Peter Mandelson, showed us all (seemingly) how to forgive and forget in political circles.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Life, Faith & Other Stuff; Books, Reading & Words; Forgiveness
People Pleasers: Managing Conflicting Priorities
Posted: Wednesday, 5th November 2008
Trying to please everybody frequently results in pleasing nobody – least of all yourself. The old maxim: You can please all of the people some of the time; some of the people all of the time; but you can’t please all of the people all of the time is one, I suspect, that today, Election Day 2008, must be familiar to people like Barack Obama and John Cain.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Assertiveness
The Art of Forgiveness - Is It Achievable?
Posted: Tuesday, 21st October 2008
My daughter passed on to me her copy of The Times from a couple of weekends ago. She thought I might like to blog about an article to do with modern grannies, but my eye was caught by another – on healing and forgiveness. Time enough for grannies at a later date, I thought!
PERSONAL PRACTICE OF THE ART OF FORGIVENESS
It was particularly relevant to me because of a decision made by others a decade ago, which has resonated through my family ever since. What was once a warm and close-knit unit is now, sadly, scattered, slow-burning coals.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Life, Faith & Other Stuff; Forgiveness
Sex or Chocolate? Chocolate or Sex? How Would YOU Define Happiness?
Posted: Wednesday, 15th October 2008
Revised: NEW YEAR'S EVE, 31st December, 2009
Much has changed since I first wrote this article, so it seemed to me that it deserved to be revised, amended and added to, with quotes, suggestions and advice. I hope, that in following some of the ideas, you might find yourself stumbling on happiness, without, perhaps, ever having defined the secret!
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city,” joked George Burns.
With the frenzy of Christmas still upon us, many may agree.
Articles on related themes: Life, Faith & Other Stuff; Self Help; Personal Growth; Inspirational
Personality And Communication; Personality And Relationships: Free Psychometric Profiling Test
Posted: Thursday, 1st January 1970
Scroll to the bottom if you want to go straight to the test.
Feeling valued – by yourself as well as others - is probably the most important element of human life. A sense of worth is the basis of love, affection, friendship, happiness, and a feeling of contentment and well being.
Articles on related themes: Self Help; Personal Growth; Relationships
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