Blog: Mel's Muse - Related to Bereavement
Living With Grief Following A Bereavement
Posted: Wednesday, 5th May 2010
If you have come here because you’ve heard that I shall be speaking about grief and loss on the OpenToHope blog radio show (airing at 9.a.m. California time [5.p.m. UK time] on 10th June, 2010) then it’s probably because you are coping with the loss of a child, or have been bereaved in some other way. If so, I hope you find something worthwhile to help you through the pain of dealing with the loss of a loved one. At very least, know that I understand your pain, because I, too, have experienced it. The grief of losing my daughter remains with me to this day.
Articles on related themes: Bereavement
Internet Radio Show Voice America - 3rd May 2010
Posted: Thursday, 22nd April 2010
BREAKING NEWS:
As the author of the novel A Painful Post Mortem, I will be speaking to Dr Gloria Horsley about my personal experiences of grief and loss. Looking at the way in which divorce, my daughter's teenage drug abuse, and bereavement have all taken their toll, I'll be demonstrating how victory in adversity may be achieved.
Originally scheduled for 18th March, my slot on the Internet Radio Show VoiceAmerica on the topic of grief and loss has now been rescheduled for 3rd May, 10.45 a.m. California time; 6.45 p.m. UK time.
Photograph: Mel Menzies on BBC Radio
Scotland
Articles on related themes: Speaking Engagements; Radio / TV; Bereavement
Heroin Addicts Like Kate Walsh Show That The Grey Areas Of British Law Need A Black & White Reform
Posted: Wednesday, 4th November 2009
We read, this week, of a situation which has complied with British law but which is, nevertheless, a grave miscarriage of justice. Kate Walsh’s parents, when their sixteen year old daughter died of heroin in a dirty squat, were denied the protection that the law is supposed to provide. They are not alone. British law in the area of adolescents is a mess.
“I have lost faith in the police, in doctors, in the Government; they have shown a shocking level of incompetence,” Kate’s father, Anthony Walsh, is reported as saying.
A "GREY AREA" IN BRITISH LAW
He’s right! And the sad thing about it is that there’s nothing new in this.
Articles on related themes: Bereavement; Family & Parenting; Current Affairs; Life, Faith & Other Stuff
Bereavement Rituals And The Effects Of Grief
Posted: Wednesday, 29th April 2009
Dear Mel,
Last week it was exactly a year since my Penny passed away. We’d only been married ten years – no children – and she meant the world to me. I never thought I’d get through this last twelve months but I have and I wanted to mark the occasion, but at the same time I was dreading it. I talked to my Minister, and he did a thanksgiving service for her. It was mainly family and close friends, but I was very touched that some people from church came, even though it was mid-week.
I nearly lost it when we went to the cemetery afterwards to lay flowers.
Articles on related themes: Bereavement; Family & Parenting
Assisted Dying For The Terminally Ill?
Posted: Monday, 26th January 2009
Revised: 15th January, 2010
Does it ever strike you as strange that medical advances, in Western civilisations, are such that we can prolong life by nearly half as much again as our allotted three-score-years-and-ten, yet the legal position of euthanasia is constantly challenged? Of course, we don’t call it euthanasia! That in itself would challenge our sensibilities, especially those of us for whom Hitler’s programme of eugenics is still uncomfortably close.
So it’s ‘assisted dying’ that we speak of, which is more in keeping with our preconceived ideas of sanitising life in the twenty-first century. And that, somehow, makes it sound more altruistic. Less sordid! More natural.
Articles on related themes: Bereavement; Life, Faith & Other Stuff
Bereavement Poetry: Crossing The Bar By Alfred Lord Tennyson
Posted: Friday, 28th November 2008
In the following excerpt from my book, A Painful Post Mortem, one of the characters, Rosie, has been asked by her father to read a poem at her sister's funeral. Curious to remind herself of the long-forgotten verses, she looks out an old book before she goes to bed.
When the baby had been fed and settled and she had checked on the
boys, she looked out an anthology of English poems she had been
given as a schoolgirl. Steve, who had been clearing up downstairs
whilst she had seen to Erin, had not yet come up.
Articles on related themes:
Bereavement
Successful Step Parenting: Do You Know What It Takes?
Posted: Wednesday, 26th November 2008
I’ve been asked by BBC Radio 5 Live if I would take part in a debate, arguing the case for the premiss Can A Step Parent Take The Place Of A Real Parent? The e-mail was from one of their producers, who said he’d found my book, Stepfamilies on a Google search. During the telephone conversation that ensued, he asked me if I knew of anyone who might argue the case against. I’ve had to say that I don’t.
STEPFAMILY PROBLEMS
My book was based on personal experience, but also included a number of case studies: people my second husband and I interviewed for the book.
Articles on related themes: Forgiveness; Self Help; Family & Parenting; Bereavement; Stepfamilies
Poetry For Grief - In The Silence Of Friends
Posted: Tuesday, 25th November 2008
Not everyone experiences the five stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance; and even if they do, they may find that they occur in a different order. But frequently, at just the point when we most need them, our friends seem to melt away. They have supported us in the early days with admirable concern.
Articles on related themes: Bereavement
Do Grief & Loss Conform To A Pattern?
Posted: Tuesday, 18th November 2008
This article was revised and updated on 28th July, 2010
One of the most shocking aspects of attending the funeral of someone you loved is the sense of desolation you may feel afterwards. Everything in you has been working towards this moment, to such an extent that it has emptied your mind of everything else. This, of course, is one of the purposes of such rites of passage. Funeral services help us through the initial stages of shock, grief and loss by concentrating the mind on the details and ritual of the event.
THE SENSE OF LOSS IN BEREAVEMENT
But they do little to prepare us for what is to come.
Articles on related themes: Bereavement
Making Funeral Arrangements
Posted: Saturday, 1st November 2008
It’s a paradox, but there is a sense in which planning a funeral is a positive and constructive experience. Although not intentionally so, making funeral arrangements – whether for burial or cremation – is a welcome distraction from grief and loss. As long as those who are bereaved are actively contacting funeral planning services and finding a funeral celebrant, they are less likely to dwell on their own distress.
This post is part of a series, each of which links to the previous one which, in this case, was: Dealing With Denial, Grief & Anger Following Bereavement. Today's post deals more with the practicalities than emotions.
Articles on related themes: Bereavement
Bereavement Poetry - Death is But a Door
Posted: Friday, 25th September 2009
THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED IN JULY 2008 AND COMMENTS WERE CLOSED IN JANUARY 2009. IT IS REPUBLISHED SO THAT YOU MAY LEAVE COMMENTS IF YOU WISH. IF YOU WISH TO USE THE POEM FOR A FUNERAL OR THANKSGIVING SERVICE, PLEASE SEE THE FREE REPRINT NOTICE AT THE END OF THIS ARTICLE.
Because I had an anniversary coming up, I’ve been looking, recently, at websites specialising in grief, loss and bereavement. I lost my daughter some years ago, so I know what it’s like coping with grief. It hits you like a sledge hammer, when you least expect it. One minute you’re fine.
Articles on related themes: Books, Reading & Words; Bereavement
Dealing With Denial, Grief & Anger Following Bereavement
Posted: Saturday, 18th October 2008
I wrote last week about coping with the shock of losing someone you love, and said that numbness is a normal initial response following a bereavement. This is the body’s defence mechanism kicking in, to ensure that the ill-effects of trauma are minimised before they become overwhelming. Gradually, various emotions will then begin to seep into consciousness over a period of time.
However, it is vital that we understand that the process of mourning, following the loss of a loved one, is not the same for everyone. We have a natural tendency to assume that, to be real, grief must adhere to a certain pattern.
Articles on related themes: Bereavement; Books, Reading & Words
The Initial Shock Of Losing Someone You Love - How To Cope
Posted: Tuesday, 14th October 2008
“Life,” said Lewis Grizzard, the original grumpy old man, “is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.”
It took me a moment or two to take it in when I read that statement. When the penny dropped, I laughed aloud. It’s just such a clever line!
And on a physical level, it says it all. Life – mine and yours – began with a sexual act, and without a shadow of doubt, it will end in death. In the Western world, that thought is something we shy away from.
Articles on related themes: Bereavement; Books, Reading & Words
Bereavement - Dealing With The Death Of A Loved One
Posted: Tuesday, 7th October 2008
DEALING WITH THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE
‘Life is a public performance on the violin, in which you must learn the instrument as you go along.’ The quotation is attributed to a friend of the writer, E.M Forster, and is taken from a new book titled, Advanced Banter. It struck me, as I read it in the Daily Telegraph, that this is never more true than when we are dealing with a death in the family.
LOSS & BEREAVEMENT
Coping with the loss of a loved one is probably the most public performance we shall ever put on, for which we have had no prior preparation.
Articles on related themes: Bereavement
BEREAVEMENT: Site Map
Posted: Thursday, 1st January 1970
CATEGORY: BEREAVEMENT (12)
Dealing with the death of a loved one is always a matter of sorrow, grief and loss. If you’re coping with the loss of a child, those feelings are magnified. Making funeral arrangements in the midst of that grief and loss are no easy matter.
These articles and bereavement poetry have been written
by one who knows. When my daughter died in suspicious
circumstances, I knew all too well what it was to ‘weep for a
while’. I understand the pain, the sense of grief and loss.
But I also trust and believe that ‘death is but a
door’.
Articles on related themes:
Bereavement; Poetry
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